When you walk into my urologist’s office, there’s this sign at the appointment desk. It reads:
This too shall pass.
It might pass like a kidney stone.
But it will pass.
I can’t think of a more fitting description of this past year. Or of my medical experiences throughout 2020—a number that has become an adjective unto itself. As in: “Oh no! Please don’t tell me this is gonna be another 2020 moment!” Though let me hasten to add—for those of you who have said to me, “I can’t wait for 2020 to end! Bring on 2021!”—please don’t rush your precious lives away. After all, 2021 might be better; then again, it might make 2020 look like a picnic by comparison. So count your blessings!
Back on March 28, 2020, in the seventh of what is now 29 installments in my Coronavirus series—29, in keeping with my friend, Thomas L. Knapp‘s “Prime Number Obsession” (that “all sets should consist of a prime number of items”)—I wrote:
As many of you know, I have had a lifelong bout with a serious congenital intestinal disorder, which required life-saving intestinal by-pass surgery in 1974, when I was 14 years old, and which has necessitated 60+ surgical procedures since, to deal with increasingly difficult and complex side-effects from the condition. Have no fear! I intend to be here for a long time to come.
But the Coronavirus outbreak has affected me and my family on a very personal level. I was due to undergo a procedure to pulverize a rather stubborn and large kidney stone on March 13th, but it had to be postponed to March 30th, due to technical difficulties with the lithotripsy machine at the hospital. But by that point, since the procedure was considered “elective” surgery, it was canceled indefinitely. My only hope is that the stone, floating around and growing in size within my left kidney since the summer of 2018, will continue to defy the rules of gravity and stay put—because there is nothing… NOTHING… on earth that I have ever experienced to rival the pain of a lodged kidney stone. And I am a person who has a pretty high threshold for pain tolerance. Nevertheless, on a scale from 1 to 10, the pain level of a lodged kidney stone is about a 13. It’s like giving birth to the Planet Jupiter through a pinhole. Way back in 1995, I suffered agonizing, excruciating pain from a single stone fragment that got lodged in my ureter after a lithotripsy procedure. I was hospitalized for a full week, with routine morphine shots that might as well have been infusions of simple tap water. I had to endure the placement of a stent in me, which stayed there for about a month, before it was removed with the help of nothing but a local anesthetic. I cannot imagine that anything conjured up by medieval torturers could have been worse than that experience; my screams must have cleared out the urologist’s office.
But that was 1995. And this is 2020. And if I can help it, I’m going to will that kidney stone to stay put, so that what is currently considered “elective” surgery doesn’t necessitate an emergency procedure that would require me to go anywhere near a hospital—at a time when the hospitals in NYC are being overloaded by Coronavirus cases. I had two endoscopic surgical procedures scheduled in April, and they too are being postponed, regardless of my wishes, inclinations, or the dictates of my passion.
Since that
time, I’ve received countless emails, Facebook messages, texts, and phone
calls—from relatives, friends, and colleagues wondering how I’m doing! I’ve
kept in touch with many people as often as I can, but decided to write this
post so that I can point to it as a way detailing my most recent medical
adventures. I do this not merely as a “public service” to describe
medical procedures in the age of COVID, but also as a cathartic exercise for
myself, and, most importantly, as a way of updating and thanking every person
who has expressed their concern and support over these many months.
Though my hometown’s grief has been palpable, the fact is that the hospitalization, infection, and death rates have been crushed throughout New York state (despite a very recent uptick in case numbers in areas of New York City). Fortunately, elective surgeries began again in late June.
Given this
reality, I consulted with each of my doctors and it was determined that I undergo
my pre-op testing in July so that I’d complete all three of my (planned)
procedures within the first three weeks of August—before the possibility of any
substantial uptick in novel coronavirus cases.
But the medical
protocols have changed substantially since March and April when I was initially
scheduled for these procedures. Three of the most important changes emerged
directly from the new realities in which we live:
First, no significant medical procedure goes forth without a COVID screening within 72 hours of the appointment followed by a self-quarantine. You must wear a mask to any facility right up to the point that you are wheeled into the operating room. Since mid-March, I have been used to wearing a mask and social distancing where necessary—though distancing is not possible when doctors are getting intimate with you, so-to-speak.
Second, every procedure is scheduled in such a way as to create an environment in which waiting rooms consist of only one, two, maybe three people awaiting their appointments. And appointments are scheduled so far apart such that every operating room is thoroughly disinfected—they typically are, of course … but not like this. One would be hard pressed to find a visible speck of dust let alone any misbehaving microbe under microscopic analysis.
And finally: Nobody is allowed to accompany you into the waiting room. My sister—who has driven me to virtually every medical procedure throughout my entire life, who has sat with me right up to the point I was taken into the operating room only to greet me in recovery—had to find a place to park her car outside the facility (good luck with that!), and be on call once I emerged from the recovery room to be released from the medical facility. Aware of the emotional strain this might create in patients, medical staff rose to the occasion with the utmost care, compassion, and empathy they could possibly offer, despite—or perhaps because of—the many months they dealt with some of the most horrific conditions any of them had ever witnessed in their entire professional lives. I can’t thank them enough.
So here’s how
it all went down over the past 2+ months by way of a mini-diary of events:
July 25: Pre-operative tests: EKG, chest X-rays,
bloodwork. Even a consultation with both my neurologist and my cardiologist. I
receive a SARS CoV 2 (COVID-19) antibody test. Results: Negative. I am approved
for all upcoming procedures.
July 31: SARS CoV 2 (COVID-19) nasal swab test.
Negative. Scheduled for first procedure on August 4, 2020. Onward!
August 3: Tropical
Storm Warning issued for Tuesday, August 4, 2020. Isaias will be roaring up the East Coast, with high
sustained winds that eventually knock down or split thousands of trees
throughout the New York City metropolitan area. Power outages are widespread;
one person is killed in Queens. Leaving my Brooklyn apartment on the morning of
August 4, torrential rain coming down, trees swirling to the right and left of
us on the parkway, I turn to my sister while she’s driving into Manhattan and
say: “You gotta be kidding me! Just getting to a hospital provides us with
yet another 2020 Moment!”
August 4: Colonoscopy, with a double polypectomy, while
under Propofol.
Clip, clip here, clip, clip there, and a
couple of Tra La Las
[YouTube link]. Done!
August 5: Esaphago-gastro-duodenoscopy, while under
Propofol. Buzz, buzz, buzz, chirp, chirp, chirp, and
a couple of La Di Das
[YouTube link]. Done!
August 10: ENT appointment. Don’t ask! Done!
August 12: KUB (Kidney-Ureters-Bladder) X-rays. My, my,
how things have changed since March! X-ray reveals a Death Star-sized stone
inside my left kidney, and a Junior Death Star-sized stone right next to
it! And the news is reporting an uptick in
COVID-19 cases in the Sunset Park section of Brooklyn… exactly where I will be going for my pre-op
COVID test and lithotripsy. WTF!
August 13: Lower- and upper-endoscopic biopsy results:
All negative. I speak to the administrator at my urologist’s office and ask
her: “Are you sure that nothing will interfere with my lithotripsy
on the 17th?” “Well… maybe a locust invasion? I mean, who knows
what can happen in four days,” she says, reassuringly.
August 14: SARS CoV 2 (COVID-19) nasal swab test.
Negative. Onward!
August 17: My surgeon tells me that he doesn’t know if he can destroy both stones, so he’ll aim for Death Star, Sr., because it is, well, Mucho Senior. Sonic blasts proceed, while under Propofol +++ —Boom, Boom, Clap! Boom, Boom, Clap! Boom, Boom, Clap! [YouTube link]. Miraculously, post-op tests indicate that the lithotripsy was so dialectically powerful that it transcends “either-or” and embraces “both-and”: The surgeon succeeds in pulverizing both Senior and Junior due to their close proximity. Fragments remain. But all are passable! Done!
Or not.
“You
thought you had three procedures and you’d be finished. Oops!” Purgative
preps for each of the three previous procedures result in internal bleeding. I
see my colorectal surgeon on September 1 and schedule an infrared radiation coagulation
procedure to seal three wounds: two on the right, one on the left. Nothing
political implied here, though the surgeon jokes that anytime he has a
political disagreement with somebody, he extends to them an invitation to meet
him in his examination room, where they are usually put in a position that
makes them very agreeable.
September 8: I become very agreeable. The light saber battle begins [YouTube link]. Without Propofol or any other (even
local) anesthesia. Don’t ask, don’t tell! Given my intestinal preconditions,
recovery is—and continues to be—agonizing. But to paraphrase Master Yoda:
“More doctors, see I must.”
September 10: I visit my new dentist (because my old
dentist has retired post-COVID), and she finds me in otherwise good dental
health, except for a partially impacted wisdom tooth that “bears
watching.” I’ll see her for a follow-up in six months! I schedule a dental
cleaning on September 26. Done! And Done!
September 24: Flu shot. Done!
September 29: Follow-up with colorectal surgeon; the two
wounds on the right have healed; the one on the left requires additional recovery
time. Two out of
three ain’t bad
[YouTube link]. Given my chronic intestinal condition, this, like all things
related to it, “bears watching.” Will return for a check-up in six
months. On the way home, I stop at my optometrist’s office and get my glasses
adjusted. Done! And done!
October 6 (today): Routine visit to my cardiologist.
Done!
All I can say is: There has indeed been a noticeable uptick in six hotspots in New York City (primarily in Queens and Brooklyn—including my own neighborhood). I am very happy that all these medical procedures and appointments are now in the rearview mirror. I remain COVID free—and intend to stay that way.
Back on May 6, 2020, I posted a pic of myself to reassure folks
that I was alive (self-administered haircut and all). Today, I post another pic
documenting that I’m Still Alive (albeit with a haircut provided by my own
barber!).
Throughout this period, I refused to allow anything to interfere with my projects. And that includes rooting for my New York Yankees, who, miraculously, took a game from the Tampa Bay Rays last night in the opening game of the American League Division Series, 9-3!
And in terms of my work: I have reviewed, corrected, and submitted to Penn State Press the first set of page proofs for the December 2020 issue of The Journal of Ayn Rand Studies, the finale to our twentieth anniversary volume, which will be the largest single issue in the history of the journal, for which I have also contributed a 30+ page essay that should raise some eyebrows. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am expecting to sign off on the second set of corrected proofs later this week.
As I said back in March: This “Kid from Brooklyn” intends “to be here for a long time to come.”